we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
