i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
