"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize