Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
