Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
