I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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