I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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