shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
