the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
