I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You ruined the universe
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
