I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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