it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
