dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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