would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
