Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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