Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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