her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
