I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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