she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
