I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
