So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
