He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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