I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize