I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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