I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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