DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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