I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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