Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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