people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
