Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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