dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
