Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize