Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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