i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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