can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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