i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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