Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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