mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
