Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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