From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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