JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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