I cut my penus on the lid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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