Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i now understand why vodka
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
