You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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