If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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