I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Even my vagina gasped.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
