Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
