dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
