Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
