remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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