Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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