So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
