You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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