A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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