just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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