I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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